i don't know i should happy or sad ....

i received my spm result today ..
i got straight A's :7a+ , 3a- ...
i satisfied with it ...
but .. now ..
i rather don't have these results !!
because .... i don't know what will be my next step ....
i dare not to think , dare not to dream ....
because ... for sure , i cannot do what i want ..
my mom didn't even have confidence on me ..
she asked me , how you know you can sure u can perform well in U .
how sad i listen .. she would never know !!!

i really couldn't understand ... i hate myself !!!!! i really hate myself !!!!
........... i am getting crazy ....
i wish i can earn money now !!! then i can leave here , study wad i wish to be in ...

TT

how's my future ???
can anyone tell me ???
i'm totally blur !!!!!!
TT
so confusing !!!!!!!!!!
my head is going to burst !!
TT .......

i just want a happy starting ~~ following by a good ending !!
i need your support !!
i do need it so muchh!!!!
can u support me ??
try listen to me ??
try to listen to my mind ???
mom.. please ...